What’s Going Through My Head Right Now!

So, I’m back!

This post is going to be super random, it’s an on the spot one, no planning, no pre shot pictures, literally just rolling out the camera roll.

It’s been a good few months, and Oh My God, things have changed! Let me fill you in before I crack on with my weird thoughts…

As most people know in 2017 I decided to take the plunge in to becoming a MUA. I’d been doing make up now and again since 2010 one shoots anyway, but never really thought about going pro. I did a course in 2015, started doing friends make up and here I am, with a budding and successful new business venture.

I have started having lip fillers by Jo Boyton, as my lips were one of my biggest insecurities. I plan to have another ml or more in June. I’ve had micro blading done by Laura Lou Gray, I went for the ombré style, this means hairstroke to shading .. I think? But on my god, I love my brows, and I hated them so, so much before.

Wedding photography bookings have more than quadrupled in the past 8 months, meaning starting from the end of this month, I’ll be shooting 2-4 weddings per week, and being part of couples biggest days of their lives. I’m happy with that!

What else has happened?! I have a new car! My Mini broke, I bought a dodgy BMW, now I’m in the soft top Audi club.

I have new hair! (Separate blog post coming up) but I’ve gone from black/grey to platinum blonde/grey, and I love it. All thanks to Hair By Jess…

Anyway, on with the thoughts…

I was doing the school run, and was looking around at all of the mums, just thinking ‘I wonder if they overthink things as much as I do’ So as I do, I spoke my thoughts and said to my friend Jess, I wish I wasn’t so weird, why can’t I just be one of these normal Mums’

They all look so normal! I wonder if they lay awake at night tossing and turning because they’re thinking too much and can’t shut down. I wonder if they ‘have’ to sleep on their partners side of the bed when they’re working night shifts because they might sleep better. I wonder if they iron every single piece of clothing in their household, or what if they don’t iron at all? Ya see, things like this bug me, and I find myself odd.

Do they look at me and think the same? Who even is normal these days and what is normal? I’ve had massive insecurity issues, and I’ll admit, I still do now, I still feel massively self conscious, but does everybody? To the extent that I do?

But then how do I feel insecure, if I can go three days out of 7 with wearing no make up at all, go to the shop with no bra on, pyjamas under my coat? Do other Mum’s do this?

I want so many answers to so many things. I want to know how to get rid of certain memories. And how to remember other memories for as long as I possibly can. Do other people struggle holding a full conversation when they have things on their mind, like I’ll just shut down, do a little mumble, agree and change the subject, people must think I’m a right sausage!

I honestly think I have about 4 people in this world that I can express my weird thoughts to, my besties and my fella, I know they’ll never judge, as much as I’m probably telling my readers right now and you’re all judging nine ways to Sunday haha! Maybe I’ll get some answers…

So there you go, I’m sure as soon as I post this I’ll think of more odd thoughts that I could’ve posted. Other than that, I’m happy and content at the moment, no drama, no negativity and no toxic people around me. I’m in happy land right now.

Peace out 💕

Hannah S.C x

Links

Microblading – Laura Lou Gray

Hair – Hair By Jess

Instagram – Hannah Smith Chilton

Wedding Instagram – Weddings By Hannah Smith Chilton

Contraception! How The Depo Injection Affected Me!

As a teen, I taken my first trip to the Brook clinic in Birmingham to see what contraceptive options were best for me. I was put on Microgynon, my mood and body was completely changing, but with all that was going on in my life at the time, I just supposed that it would be natural to be feeling down. Moving out at 15, losing my nephew to a hit and run, falling out with parents, it wasn’t the best of times. I would cry myself to sleep, I’d rapidly be getting podgy, my boobs had grown in to melons, I had no clue that it was actually the pill that was contributing more than anything. I stayed on this pill for around two years.
I then decided to take myself back to the clinic to question my symptoms, they changed me on to Celeste, this was a little better I suppose, I still had minor depressive times now and again, but only around once a month. I stayed on this until I was around 26-27 and after forgetting to take it now and again, I decided I needed a change to something I wouldn’t forget.


When it comes to contraception, I would never usually think about the effects it would have on my hormones, until the doctor said ‘lets try the Depo injection’ which you have in the arm or butt cheek every three months. I thought this will be great, I can crack on with life, not forgetting to take pills again! Wahooo…

Yeah.. I thought wrong. OMG! The anger and rage episodes, feeling emotional at the smallest things, the paranoia, the anxiety and self insecurities and not to forget the weight gain…again! I also had my first panic attack in 4 years the other day, this was the last straw and got myself straight on the phone to the doctor to see when I was due my next as I just could not wait to get this thing out of my system. So today is the 6th Feb and my next Depo is due on the 15th! Yayyyy …Although I will not be having a top up, time to look for an alternative. I’ve heard so many stories about depression and mental illness that certain contraception can cause, and I think more checks should be carried out on the patient before a pill or injection can be given out. I feel doctors etc don’t look in to the patients past deeply enough. I have plenty of past in my doctors notes that should have questioned them giving out such hormonal contraception.

 

So after this, I’m going to sit down at a clinic with a specialist to talk through every option and talk about my past issues with what I’ve been given instead of a doctor just giving me a fourth option and saying, “Lets see how you get on with this” 😦

I want to hear about your experiences on any sort of contraception, how it affected you and what did you do to change? Are you happy with the option you’re on now?

E-Mail me at Hannah@lsamanagement.com at any time or private message me through any of my social media channels. Lets find out from each other how it affects us, and not just how it’s been researched.

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Learning to love myself, being body positive and defeating negative people.


2017 has been one of the most positive new years for me, I have never had so much ambition for a year ahead. I set a goal, to gain confidence mostly. No matter where I go, who I meet I would say 1 in 7 of the people I meet are super negative, and I used to be one of them. 

I can’t stand bitchyness, people who bodyshame, people who put down others who they barely even know. It seems to be people who have issues of their own, therefore they make out that other people are worse of than them in a way. I suppose it makes them feel better and gives them a boost in life. 

Well this is wrong! If you’re one of those people, you need to re-look at those people, and look at yourself. How are you that different? We aren’t! There are 7.5 billion people in the world, and you and me are just a couple of them. We’re all human, different shapes, sizes, names, genders, sexualities. It doesn’t matter what we have, we should learn to love and support each other, as we are not going to live forever. 
This brings me to my school days. Without knowing, I would say I was minorly bullied, being told more than once a day I looked different because I chose to have short hair. Being called big nose…I’d go home and get stressed out in more ways than one.. Get in to situations I won’t go in to. 

Then along came social media, where you can show yourself to the world in anyway you want to. People love following trends. Those pictures of stunning girls plastered all over Instagram that we follow daily for inspiration. I’m not gonna lie, I can sit and look at Mini Instagram videos for hours, Watching make up tutorials but the majority of the girls have had lip fillers, and this has lowered my confidence even more, so now I feel like I now need fillers…I shouldn’t feel like that but thats my own insecurities. 

My nose has played a big issue in my life since I was 15, I am always conscious about it since it was mentioned to me amd still is…I laugh it off, but the next time I look in the mirror, I’ll be trying to see the size of it from every angle haha! There I go laughing it off again…

Anyway, my point is…I am learning to not give a f### about peoples opinions on myself. They’ll have forgot about what they said less than two seconds later. If they know they have brought you down, they’ll be smiling forever more. No hater will ever get a response from my strong ass self…and I think that goes for everyone. Dont let other peoples bother you. Don’t dampen someone’s success. 
Let’s love ourselves, I am, and I’m loving it! 
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